I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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