Christians are straight up FREAKS
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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