Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
