Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
only if we run a train.
done.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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