I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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