I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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