Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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