we have officially lost it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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