Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
