I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
