Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
