I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
