spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
