well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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