Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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