is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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