He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
