Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
