My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
