Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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