just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
