just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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