Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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