Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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