ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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