this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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