Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
