Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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