I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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