i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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