Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
