Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
