Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I skipped work to stalk him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
