I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
