Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
