I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
