i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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