Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
