OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
