some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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