honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
