Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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