Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
