I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Someone came in the potted fern
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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