If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
