honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
