Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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