Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
