You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
