We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
