it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here