Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't put those talents on a resume
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
