he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
