im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
