you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
