either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Small penises have feelings too.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I intend to get homeless drunk
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
