How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
