he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
