Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
