sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
