So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
