why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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