And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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