"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
