I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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