there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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