It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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