she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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